Thursday, 9 September 2010

Change Is In The Air

Last weekend I had a conversation about being a parent. Nothing specific, just generalities (hmmm, is that even a word?). The person I was talking to is a grandmother and fairly direct in her approach, albeit in a very kind and pleasant way. The upshot was that I have made changes this week to how we parent DS. You know, maybe I have been keeping DS a 'baby' in my mind because he still isn't speaking as clearly as he should be for his age.
So, gone is the gate in the doorway of his room ~ cue DS having adventures up and down the stairs after bedtime. Gone is the buggy for transport to and from nursery ~ cue DS running up driveways and knocking on doors. And in response, DS has gone cold turkey and given up his afternoon nap (boo!); and having done so, he is struggling with being awake all day and my beautiful boy has turned into a spitting and hissing obnoxious nightmare. Where has my beautiful boy gone and when will he return? My normal response to a parental crisis of confidence is "this is a phase, it too will pass"... I'm finding it tough going this week.

9 comments:

suddenly sahm said...

how old is he? 3? Relax, these are the perfect steps to take at this time...you will both adjust in another week or so to the "new normal". :)

Rhona said...

Your response to the crisis still applies in this case, he will settle down and you'll both adjust to your new routines. Good luck and keep positive xx

Wrightboysmum said...

It does pass as we had the same problem from 5ish onwards when the slightest little thing gave a meltdown but it's getting easier and much less stormy. Hang on there.

Lizzie said...

I admire you for making these changes. At 3 he should be walking to nursery, unless it's a really long way (love the story about him ringing doorbells!) And of course he does need to learn to stay in his room when you tell him to, without the gate. A great book we had, when our little man was little, is "Toddler Taming" by Christopher Green. He tackles these issues with much humour, great sense and with sensitivity. He has also written a follow-on for 5-12 year age group. He has lots of handy suggestions for dealing with the various milestones and problems of toddlerhood. I would really recommend it - it was such a help!
As for the nap, my DS gave up his afternoon nap - but he did start it again when he went to nursery all morning. He'd come home starving and tired out, eat and fall asleep. You don't say how long nursery is, but if it's just mornings, try a warm drink with his lunch, then his favourite relaxing video on the sofa. It worked like a dream with our DS! zzzzz
He's so cute, isn't he!

Liz said...

He's just getting use to having a bit more freedom and finding his feet with being "grown up". Don't forget it's all new to him too. You'll be fine. Chocolate during the day and a cup of tea (or glass of wine) for Mummy in the evening will cure just about all ill. I should know your DN is an abnoxious teenager this week. I think I've kept Cadbury's in business XXX

debs14 said...

I read the Toddler Taming book when my son was going through a similar stage. I think the 'not going to bed and staying there' is the hardest thing to deal with. Once it's bedtime, us parents all need to be able to relax and prepare for the next day. If it's any consolation, he WILL grow out of this stage. Only for some other stage to take its place!

humel said...

Oh, you poor thing - it will pass, truly it will, but oh! it's hard while you're in the middle of it. We're all rooting for you xx

Amy said...

It's ok Ruth :-)
Parenting is an everchanging beast and the biggest thing I'm learning is to be flexible and to have realistic expectations. You are right, it will pass and then the next challenge crops up and on it goes!

Another book which I have found to be great is 'Raising Boys' by Steve Biddulph. He has great ideas for the young men we are raising - he also has a book titled 'The Secret To Raising Happy Children'which was great to solidify a couple of things I knew but needed the confidence to feel as though I was on the path I wanted to be.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with chocolate, wine, coffee, blogging, scrapping - whatever it is, to get you through!

Sian said...

I second those book suggestions - Toddler Taming was suggested to me by my psychologist sister who knows a thing or two (mind you, she has an 18 month old who has already given up his afternoon nap! Talk about a livewire) and Raising Boys is also excellent. Our boy had a rotten temper when he was that age, and now he is a complete charmer and I think Steve Biddulph had a hand in that!
Well done you for being open to some friendly advice and a few changes.