Friday, 8 June 2012

31 Things: Day 21

Day 21 of Ali's latest class at BPC ~ 31 Things.  Ali describes the class thus: 31 Things is about capturing life right now but will be much more in-depth on a single daily subject than the documentation you might be used to with projects like Week in the Life or Project Life. This workshop is an opportunity to get specific pieces of your story told with the simple goal of telling more.    
Day 21 | Think:
17 April 2012, that was the day we received the formal diagnosis of The Boy Child's autism. Seven or so weeks on from that and I'm finding it hard to think about anything else.  Frankly, autism is depressing, both to observe and to read up on.
The thing is, The Boy Child isn't any different to the way he was on 16 April 2012.  Yet I find myself thinking of the worst case scenarios and the what ifs. What if The Boy Child is never able to live independently when he is an adult? What if something happens to me and The Brainy One?  As we are older parents, this is something I think about a lot.
I have to make a choice to allow autism to live alongside us in our daily lives, but not for it to set the tone.
I have to choose to look after me, as well as looking after The Boy Child and The Brainy One.  And that means making time for me, even if that means simply staring out of the window for 10 minutes.  Right now, I'm sad, emotional and confused.  Trying to hang on to my One Little Word of 'enjoy' is nigh on impossible.
And yet.
There is hope, so much hope.
There is love, so much love.
I choose to take on this life.
One day at a time.



Beverly said...

{{{Ruth}}} My heart aches for you. I think there is a whole grieving process you have to go through because the dreams, plans and expectations you had for The Boy Child need to be readjusted. As you said he is still the beautiful (I so love pics of him), loving, wonderfully made little boy and gradually you will be able to move forward. You and yours remain in my prayers.

Deb @ Paper Turtle said...

Dear Ruth, even though this is a sad topic, your journaling about it is beautiful, and the photo to go along is absolutely perfect. Sending you (and your sweet boy child) great big hugs!!! xo

Rhona said...

Knowing people who have already had your journey, I know how difficult and sad it can be at times. However, the children are so special and give so much back and I'm sure that TBC will be like that also. Take it a day at a time. Big hugs to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. xx

Amy said...

Take care Ruth. xx

Carrie Rosalind said...

Such a beautiful post! I know this is a sad time for you, but I believe it will start looking up for you soon. Gorgeous picture of you! xoxo

Karen said...

I understand your pain and confusion and 'Why Us'. From reading your blog I know you have a strong and supportive family and you will all work through this and do your absolute best for TBC and help him fly in life and gain his full potential. Take care of yourself too xxx

Abi said...

Thinking about you Ruth. Take care. xxx

Ladkyis said...

I am not a religious person but there is one phrase in the bible that I clung to in the deepest darkest days of my miserable time.
"...and it came to pass"
It will pass. At the moment the Autism is HUGE and all you can see and think of are the disadvantages and the bad stuff. It will get easier to live with, it will assume normal proportions and you and The Brainy One will manage. There will be real smiles and laughter because it will come to pass.
In the mean time all I can do is send you hugs and soothing thoughts

Alison said...

What can I add to all these supportive messages, but yet more support? Keep hanging on to that thought that TBC is exactly the same BC that he was the day before diagnosis and that yourselves and he is in the thoughts and prayers of so many of us
love and hugs xx

Sian said...

A favourite quote of mine came to mind when I read this. Maya angelou's "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"

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