Monday, 14 March 2016

Post Funeral Small Talk

I should perhaps start by saying that this is not intended as a criticism of anyone.
Heaven knows, I'm sure I know I've been guilty of saying something crass 
to someone recently bereaved.
Desperate to fill an awkward silence with something.
Anything.  
And then spending the next twenty minutes wishing that I could quietly disappear. 
A lot of people attended Mum's Celebration Service
 and most remained for a cup of tea and a sandwich or two.
I don't have any clear memory of those 90 minutes,
of how I got through them or who I spoke to.
But what I have had are flashbacks to moments
 where people spoke before engaging their brains.

"How are you?"
{How do you think?}
"You're the image of your mum!"
{Really?!}
"She'll be sorely missed."
{I know}
"She was such a wonderful lady."
{I know}

While I know that these people meant well, 
I wish more people could have been like my friend.
He gave me a huge bear hug.
He didn't say a word.
And in that moment, I knew that he felt my loss and grief.



7 comments:

debs14 said...

It's so tough isn't it? People mean well and don't realise that what they are saying really isn't making you feel any better. Sometimes, as you found, it's better to say nothing at all but show your support in other ways.
Grief isn't something you 'get over' you just learn to live with your new 'normal'. There really isn't an answer to 'how are you?'.
Take care x

Sian said...

It's very hard, no doubt about it x

Patio Postcards said...

Ruth I cannot image your grief. I read once that loss is universal, but grief so personal. I think what I experienced most when I lost my Mom, was that people did not want to speak of her at all in fear it would upset me. Yes a hug from someone who gets you, understands the situation is a blessing much needed, yours is truly a treasure.

alexa said...

There are times when it doesn't matter what is said, it will never feel ok... (I almost didn't comment, in case I fell into that category too.)

Liz said...

A hug is all you need xxx

Missus Wookie said...

It is hard to know what to say, or how to take what is said. Glad that your friend was able to hug you. Hope you are getting similar help at the moment.

Susanne said...

Oh, at those moments, I know how everyone struggles with what to say. Sometimes the stupidest stuff has come out of my mouth totally by accident. I am blessed though in that I don't remember what people say, I tend to block out unpleasant memories of all types. But I remember that they were there. That's always been enough.

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